It's strange, isn't it, how much I talk about death... maybe not so strange if you knew a bit more. I feel that perhaps I've seen more than my fair share of it. More than I was ready to deal with. It was on the same day in May 2005, when my cousin Nikhil passed away at the age of 19. In the last five years, it was the most shocking incident in the family. He was a smiling, young fellow just that he was suffering from muscular dystrophy. Just that his death was something expected but no one could have foreseen it so early, no one could have done anything about.

The thing about death is that it is a part of life. We're all subconsciously prepared for it, we understand the inevitability of it. But there's a time for it. It is meant to come after you have lived a long life, raised a family and made something of yourself; not in your late teenage years or early twenties. Say what you want, that is not right. It's somehow just not right. It still happened though. The first time is the scariest. That's when you actually realise that people can die so young. It doesn't matter if it's not supposed to be that way. The second time, it feels like a punishment. The feeling you get is like you did something wrong, and you're being punished by having those close to you taken away.

There's a lot of anger and you don't quite know what to do with it, who to direct it at. The third time it happens... I seriously don't know what to tell you. Your heart breaks, but there's something else to it---acceptance? It feels like the moment you let the waves in the sea wash over you, because you know you cannot fight death and the waves in the sea. Death comes to everybody, that's just the way it is. We don't get to know when, or whom it will visit. All we get are those intimate moments with the people we love. The choice is to make those moments we spend count. What would I do differently? Not a damn thing. I had the greatest of times with all of them, and I have wonderful that memories that I'll aways cherish. Here's to the good times, Nikhil.

"May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand."


Shikha said…
touching....no body can fill the pain you going through....may nikhil's soul rest in peace
murali.p said…
I do not think a comment can do justice to describe this post. I just say this, " you have written your heart without frills".
murali.p said…
you have written down your feelings without frills.

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