Saturday, 3 October 2009

Trying to make sense of life

I am sick of writing exams. I am tired of living life as though it is a rat race and I am stressed and above all, I am scared to think of my results. I hope you are better than I am! God, it's been a rough couple of weeks. I keep waiting for this run of luck to break, but apparently things are coming to a head in my life. Sometimes, I feel life has to get really hard, in order for one to take a stock, to look at what's wrong, and what needs to change. I think I'm in one of those phases.

Coming to think of it, didn't I write months ago about Good Morning Sunshine with a few of my favourite things? As I sheepishly remember writing, the return of Saturn tends to make things harder for you before things get easier, in order to push you into the changes you need to make. Ha! Apparently Saturn wasn't going to let me forget the ordeal and torture I underwent with Maths.

I apologize if I am sounding cryptic; it's just that I am not in the frame of mind to write a happy-happy post when things are so rough, for I cannot bring myself to lie right now. I am sick, as mentioned above. Being really sick brings out the baby in most of us, and I am no exception. I have always been the guns-blazing type of boy, and usually push myself past my limit, until my body forces me to take rest by getting sick. I guess a hectic with exams, following with artist management teams, replying back to messages, mails, tweets and SMSes along with studies and all the manner of work in the middle, was going to take its toll! But really, that's a lie, and I said in the very beginning that I would not like to lie. It's not just exams and studies; I am having a hard time in my own life right now. It's all piled up like a mountain at the same time, and it's one of those rare times in my life that I'm barely keeping it together.

I'm tired, because last week I was teaching a friend a chapter of English Grammar on Monday, I was commuting to college to write an exam on Tuesday, I was following up with some volunteers of my artist management venture on Wednesday, I was commuting in a bus in the evening rush to get home from college on Thursday, I was teaching a chapter in Hindi to a friend on Friday and on Saturday, I finally found the time to come online and update my blog and in the midst of this, my brain starts spinning like a whirlpool. No wonder, I'm sick!!

I'm stressed, because I go back to college on Monday to write another exam and there are relatives who would be coming later this week to invade my privacy. There is an insane amount of work to wrap up before I head to college on Monday and if I don't fix all that before I leave there's no time after the exams. My personal life is currently in shambles and I am trying to make what sense of it that I can.

I am scared because a dear friend of mine was just went through something really traumatic, and is dealing with the repercussions. Talking to him on the phone for hours everyday is the only thing I can do for him, and it's draining, though of course, I wish I could do much more. I want him to get better, so much, and I am trying to find it in me to do what a good friend does, and goes beyond my limits to be there for him.

Well, if you are still reading this, I applaud your high patience levels. Thank you so much for reading this diatribe, and warm wishes to you.

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